Never Sought To Be Hated
by tinylexie
Summary: Severus never sought to be hated, but his life ended up being one without any love or happiness in it.


Severus had never sought to be hated. No, all he had ever wanted in his life was love and peace. But he had always been denied both items.

His earliest memories of his parents were of them arguing, which often led to physical confrontations between them.

Severus supposed his mother loved him in her own special way, but that love (if it did indeed exist) was never enough to encourage her to take her son away from her bitter, abusive husband who made it no secret that he absolutely hated magic and anyone who had it (including his wife and son, especially his wife and son).

Severus thought he was doomed to a lifetime of nothing but hatred and chaos.

Then, he met Lily, who quickly gave him a reason to be happy, a reason to hope that life could be good for him after all.

But Lily's light alone was not enough to save Severus from the darkness. James Potter got in the way of that.

It seemed as if James Potter's goal in life was to make Severus's life as miserable as possible.

But James was not the only source of conflict in Severus's life. His and Lily's different beliefs often led to them having arguments.

And it didn't help that Severus felt absolutely humiliated every time Lily had to save him from James's abuse.

Then, one day in a fit of anger and embarrassment, Severus called Lily a Mudblood. Severus had immediately regretted speaking that tainted word. But he had finally reached his breaking point on that day, and he had been powerless and helpless to release his anger on James. But Lily had been available, and Severus had taken advantage of that.

And Lily responded back in anger. She eventually ended up marrying James, and Severus was no longer a part of her life.

With Lily out of his life, Severus turned to the only other thing that had ever brought him comfort in life, the dark arts. Even then, though, Severus had not sought to be hated. He had just wanted a way to drown his sorrows.

But like everything else in his life, the dark arts only ended up hurting Severus in the end. And Lily paid the ultimate price, which completely destroyed any chance Severus might have ever had for love and happiness in his life.

Severus felt betrayed by both of his masters, the Dark Lord for killing Lily despite Severus's pleas for her life to be spared and Dumbledore for failing to keep Lily safe.

The only thing that gave Severus a reason to keep on living was Lily's son, Harry Potter, even though the boy looked so much like his father.

But the boy was not completely his father in appearance. No, the boy just had to have Lily's eyes. And every time Harry Potter looked at Severus in anger, Severus remembered the anger that had been in Lily's eyes when he had called her a Mudblood.

Every time Severus looked at Harry, he was also reminded that he had lost Lily to James.

But Severus kept on going because he had to keep Lily's son safe. He had failed to keep Lily safe. He had failed Lily in so many ways. But he wasn't going to fail her son as well, even if the boy did look and act like his father. No, Severus was going to make amends for calling Lily a Mudblood through keeping her son safe.

Then, Severus finally learned from Dumbledore that Harry Potter had to die in order for the Dark Lord to die. Severus did not care for the Potter brat, but he did care about just standing there and allowing Lily to be murdered all over again.

But that was exactly what Severus ended up doing when he gave Harry his memories, his memories which would show Harry that he had to die.

But the coward that he was, Severus did not want Harry's hatred in the end. It was strange that he cared about that all of a sudden. Severus had been so used to James's hatred that it had seemed only natural that it would be the same way with James's son.

But Harry was also Lily's son, and Severus had never sought to be hated by Lily. No, Severus had wanted to be loved by Lily.

As he was dying, Severus didn't even attempt to stop his tears, even though they were coming out of his eyes right in front of the boy that looked so much like his father except for the fact that he had his mother's eyes.

Severus knew that he didn't deserve Harry's forgiveness, just like he knew that he didn't deserve Lily's forgiveness. But that didn't stop Severus from wanting Harry to know that he had never sought to be hated.

Severus knew that he didn't deserve it, but he didn't want to die being hated by everyone. No, he wanted to be loved by at least one person. He wanted to be loved by Lily. But since Lily was no longer around, Severus would have to accept her son's love instead of hers.


End file.
